


Exchanging Notes

by dyingpoet



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, yall get ready this is gonna be a ride
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-09-18 20:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20318701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyingpoet/pseuds/dyingpoet
Summary: Davey Jacobs just started his first year at college and it's not going too well. Enter Jack Kelly and, in an indirect sort of way, disability services.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yooo so im starting this multi chapter as I Start College bc it'll give me something consistent to do?? instead of getting overwhelmed by individual prompts and then doing nothing?? lets see how it goes!!!
> 
> imma try and update every monday (tentatively, there might be extra chapters on the weekends or skipped weeks, bear w me :^))

Davey’d been told over and over again that having to file for disability his first semester of college wasn’t a big deal. The people who told him that, mainly his parents and Sarah, notably had never gone through disability services, and didn’t have such intense social anxiety that they had to get a medical pass to not go to class when necessary. 

Today had been one of those necessary days, and the intense awkwardness and shame that came with explaining to his roommate why he wasn’t going to his morning Classical History class sort of made him want to die. Which had made him more anxious, and suddenly his whole morning was wasted.

That particular situation had already happened three times since class started a few weeks ago, and his roommate always seemed understanding, not asking many questions, but it was weird. Davey was eighty five percent sure the guy thought he was a freak. That was a main talking point of his therapy sessions lately. Use of negative words to describe himself and assuming others perceptions of him. Therapy was once a week across campus. 

It sucked, basically, the whole thing was an ordeal. But to be fair, the school was really good about getting him class resources when he couldn’t go. All he had to do was email his TA this morning and by the time he got the will to check his email that afternoon he’d already emailed him the power point. Disability services had sent over someone’s notes from class too. They had a service for kids who needed notes and kids who got paid to take them. It worked out pretty well but he still hated relying on strangers like that.

“Just gotta read them over and translate to a different doc, it’s fine,” Davey mumbled to himself, grateful that his roommate was still out for the day. “It’s gonna be fine.”

He opened up his own word document before pulling up the notes of whatever student did them that day. 

“Jack Kelly?”

Davey frowned as he read the name at the top. He didn’t think they’d make the note takers put down their names, anonymity and all that. Although they really only needed it for the kids getting the notes, he guessed. 

Shaking his head he ignored the name and started reading through the notes, trying to pull the important information from the stuff the guy, Jack, had written down.

Though, he thought, squinting at the screen and hovering his finger precariously over the touch pad, Jack actually took really good notes. Like  _ really good _ . Davey prided himself on taking the absolute perfect amount of notes; he had a system and everything. They never failed him. But Jack must have had his own system or something, because as he worked his way through the couple pages he’d typed down, he didn’t have to reorganize or cut anything out. 

It was impressive, and Davey pushed his chair back from his desk and pulled his hands out in front of him, stretching his shoulders. “This is fine, it worked out fine.”

Verbalization was supposed to keep him from getting overwhelmed with stress. It was working at the moment, but he chalked that more up to Jack’s note taking skills than the speaking out loud. 

* * *

The next time he had his Classical History class was two days from his missed class, Thursday. He’d gone to sleep early and took his medication on time; something he hadn’t done on Tuesday which probably was the leading cause of fucking him over.

With headphones and the ability to blend in to almost any crowd, he actually made it to class okay. Sort of sweaty and exhausted, both from the walk and the sheer effort of taking in every micro-interaction he had on the way there and over analyzing it. That part was a work in progress.

As soon as he walked into the classroom he kept his head down and took his seat in the back corner. The idea of sitting where someone could see his laptop from behind was terrifying, and the corners always made him feel safer.

Glass Animals was pumping through his headphones as the rest of the class filed in, he’d gotten there about ten minutes early, and as the seats in front of him and next to him filled he felt his heart rate pick up a little, but otherwise he was fine. He was going to be fine. 

“Okay, today’s lecture is mainly going to focus on the Roman contribution to modern poetic structure, based on your readings of  _ The Odyssey  _ which were to be completed by today’s class.”

Davey took out his headphones and pulled out his laptop, opening it to his notes word document as their professor missed with her computer in front of the lecture hall. Professor Stevens. Davey liked her, she was one of his few professors that genuinely enjoyed teaching, asking them more questions in a class hour than most of his professors did in a week. She knew about Davey though, and never called him out for an answer. That was another reason he liked her, some of his other professors weren't so considerate. 

She pulled up the power point and Davey titled his notes and started typing out the first slide as she started talking. 

“We can see the basic plot line of  _ The Odyssey _ resonating into future works,” Professor Stevens said, gesturing grandly at the power point which depicted a painting of Odysseus. “It can be summarized as ‘a character goes on a journey’. The only other broad plot line we see in modern works can also be summarized as ‘a stranger comes to town’, but  _ The Odyssey _ focuses much more on the former.”

Davey was typing all of this out, and as he got to the but about the second general plot line his keyboard jolted back at him. He started violently, and stared wide-eyed as the boy in the desk in front of him turned his head sheepishly from where he’d knocked Davey’s laptop while stretching. He looked so casual about it. Davey felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest from the ay his chest constricted with surprise and then the anxiety that came with eye contact. 

“Sorry dude,” he whispered, grimacing at what Davey could only assume was his extremely disheveled state. “Stretched too far back.”

Davey nodded jerkily, tension dropping from his shoulders as the boy, the  _ cute boy _ at that, turned back to his own laptop. He let his eyes trail forward onto his laptop then, he was still sort of thinking about his face and how his hair was messy but in a really cute sort of way, when he saw the title of his notes. ‘Jack Kelly’ was written at the top in the same font Davey had been reading from two mornings ago. 

There was a physical tightening of all the muscles in his back and he could feel the blood draining from his face for no reason at all. He was being stupid. Jack didn’t know who he was, he had anonymity, right?

But that tiny bit of doubt sent everything spiraling, and suddenly he wasn’t sure, maybe he misread the confidentiality policy. The computer screen in front of him blurred, and the rest of the hour was spent like that, staring blankly at the screen in front of him, mind racing as he clenched his hands so hard he felt like he might break the skin of his palms with his nails. 

When Professor Stevens ended the class, it actually took him a second to pull himself up, out of his thoughts before he could start putting his laptop away with slightly shaking hands. It was fine, he was being stupid and ridiculous, it was going to be fine. 

He doubted that though, and his hands started shaking harder when Jack Kelly stood up in front of him and immediately turned around to face him. He _was_ cute, it was a nightmare scenario of different anxieties clashing. 

“I’m sorry for hitting your laptop earlier, dude,” he said smoothly, yawning through the last piece of the sentence. “That literally happened to me in my last class and I was so annoyed.”

Davey forced himself not to stare and to stop sweating through sheer force of will before answering. “Oh, it’s uh, it’s okay. I’d barely started typing, it’s fine.”

Verbalization, that last part was for both of them. 

Jack swung his backpack onto his bag and Davey started putting his own on with harsh, jerky movements when he realized Jack was waiting for him. Why was he waiting for him?

“So, do you know anyone here?” Jack asked once Davey got his stuff and started for the door.

Davey glanced quickly at Jack before shaking his head and looking back at the floor. His eyes were brown. “No.”

“Me either,” Jack breathed out, bouncing in his step and deftly taking Davey’s clipped response as an invitation to continue. “All my friends went out of state or to community college, I barely even know my roommate because he does marching band.”

“Yeah, uh, my roommate rushed so he’s at frat stuff a lot,” Davey said quietly, and he felt his heart start picking up again when he looked and Jack was actually nodding and listening to him. That was a new experience. 

“I get that.”

The two of them left the building, and Davey for once was glad for the heat, it gave him a sort of cover for the anxious sweating. Anxious moreso now because he had no idea how to end this interaction.

Jack apparently had a plan.

“Do you wanna exchange numbers?” Jack asked, stopping next to the doorway and flicking through his phone. “Y’know, in case we need like, study partners or notes or something. I don’t know like, anybody else in that class.”

Davey, even if he couldn’t feel his chest start tightening in that way that reminded him it was time to take his medication, couldn’t even begin to explain the irony in that statement. So instead he just nodded, shakily pulling up his own contacts and trading phones with Jack. He had an android.

“Android, I know,” Jack said, voicing Davey’s thoughts as they switched phones back. “I get tons of shit for it.”

Weakly, Davey let out a laugh, immediately cringing at the way it sounded although Jack didn’t seem to take any notice. 

“Okay well, I got another class,” Jack said, looking over his shoulder as he did. “And I’m still not really sure the fastest way to get there, so I’m gonna go.”

Davey nodded, and Jack waved as he turned and left. As he did, and Davey stared after him for probably an inappropriate amount of time, it seemed really unfair how easy that was for him. Jack wasn’t anxious at all, or it didn’t seem like it at least.

But he wasn’t supposed to make those comparisons, his therapist said it would only set him back. 

As he turned to walk back to his dorm, he felt his phone buzz, and he squinted at the dark screen in the sunlight.

_ Jack Kelly: classics dude!! It’s jack lol, u already got the name idk im just checking the number _

Davey smiled and turned on the Glass Animals playlist before responding.

_ Davey Jacobs: hey, yeah it’s the right number, this is davey _

Almost immediately, another notification.

_ Jack Kelly: sick, any chance u wanna pick up starbucks before class tomorrow?? I was dying today lmao _

Mouth dry all the sudden, Davey upped the volume of his music and walked a few more paces before responding. He really, really wanted to go. Jack was the only real person he’d talked to since class started a few weeks ago, besides his roommate. And he  _ was  _ cute. And he  _ was  _ wearing a pride bracelet Davey also had but was too nervous to wear. 

He should go. It was fine. It was going to be fine. 

A few more paces before he paused under the shadow of a tree overhanging the sidewalk.

_ Davey Jacobs: sounds good, meet at 8:30? _

Not a minute later.

_ Jack Kelly: sure!! See u then :) _

It was going to be fine. He was going to be fine. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey meets Jack for coffee and some thing are made apparent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this episode of "olivia has never kept a consistent posting schedule in her life" we have the second chapter!! enjoy!!!

“Where are  _ you  _ going?”

Davey jumped a little, catching the blush already on his face in the reflection of the mirror he’d been looking in for the past ten minutes, fixing his shirt and hair again and again. His roommate’s boyfriend, Mush, had noticed apparently.

“I’m uh,” Davey turned to see Mush hanging upside down from his roommate, Blink’s, top bunk. His hair fell messily in his face and Davey thought he was starting to look a little purple from being upside down for so long. “I’m meeting someone before class.”

“Oh?” Blink said, emerging from the bathroom and raising his eyebrows at Davey curiously. “What kind of someone?”

Davey, who was quickly regretting telling the truth, stuttered for a moment before Mush laughed loudly and swing down from the bunk. “It’s definitely a date.”

His voice was teasing, but not in a mean way, and Davey tried not to stiffen under his touch when he came up behind him and started messing with his collar, studying Davey’s reflection in the mirror.

“Okay you need a totally different shirt if this is a date,” he said, grabbing Davey’s increasingly sweaty hand and pulling him toward his closet. “You’re so lucky I’m here you don’t even  _ know _ .”

Davey was completely taken aback by the easy sort of affection Mush was using, slinging an arm casually over Davey’s shoulder as he pulled open his closet. Blink was mumbling something about Mush being pretentious as Davey was forcing himself to remember how to breathe with this much physical contact going on. 

“You’re going to want to go with like, something layered,” Mush said, looking over Davey’s outfit before dropping his arm from the taller boy’s shoulder and rifling through his closet. God, Davey wished he could be that casual about everything. “Like,  _ this  _ shirt with  _ this  _ button up, but you have to roll the sleeves.”

He tossed two shirts at Davey, who promptly got hit in the face with the hangers, moving them to see a grinning Mush. He really did look like a fashion major, full hoop earrings and a sort of vintage look that reminded Davey of old eighties movies. He was so effortless; Davey got why Blink liked him so much. 

“Try it on!” he prompted when Davey stood motionless for a second, still processing the fact that he was being dressed for a  _ date _ . A real date. With a boy. He wasn’t ever going to be used to thinking that. 

“Oh, uh yeah, thanks gimme a second.” 

Davey walked into their suite bathroom and shut the door before tossing the shirts on the sink counter and taking a deep breath. Putting his hands on his head he stopped in front of the mirror and studied his reflection. 

“It’s gonna be fine, you’re gonna be fine.”

His reflection blinked back at him. He was looking too closely and it was starting to look less and less like a face.

“An hour, you can do an hour. It’s gonna be okay.”

A blur of shapes and colors nodded back in the mirror and he started changing. He was going to be  _ fine _ . 

* * *

“Davey?”

The barista held out his iced coffee and looked around for a moment, smiling when Davey nodded and walked up.

“Thank you,” he said, hyper aware of his slightly shaking hands as he took his drink and grabbed a straw

“No problem, have a great day!”

He was sipping at the drink before he got back to the table in the back he’d picked out for the two of them. Jack had texted he’d be five minutes late and Davey was currently trying to convince his anxiety-ridden brain that that was the truth. That Jack wasn’t part of an elaborate scheme to trick him into thinking he had a date when he didn’t. 

Overthinking was another topic his therapist was intent on hitting. 

The sounds of the coffee shop were actually nice for once, and Davey found himself leaning back in his chair, still tense but slightly more relaxed than he’d normally be in a public place. It was okay, he was going to be okay.

A bell sounded, and Davey sat up quickly, turning his head to look at the door.

“Davey, hey!”

Jack was smiling and walking over to the table, and Davey was suddenly very concerned that his ordering coffee beforehand was rude and Jack would like, walk out on him or something now. 

“Hey,” Davey said weakly, all tension and nerves again. “How was the walk?”

God that was a stupid fucking question, and Davey felt his face start burning just as Jack shrugged noncommittally. He didn’t look like he thought Davey was a massive failure, that was good.

“Eh, it’s way too fucking hot I swear,” Jack said with an eye roll, eyeing Davey’s iced coffee as he did. “Actually, I think I’m gonna get iced coffee too, I’ll be right back.”

He walked over to the short line in front of the register, and Davey flexed his hands and fought the urge to claw at his nail beds. He wasn’t near an anxiety attack yet or anything, but he was sweating a lot and could feel his heart pushing at his chest, bordering on painful.

The wall in front of him was brick. After a quick glance to make sure Jack was still squinting at the menu, he started counting them.

Seven bricks on the inhale, four more while he held, and then eight on the exhale. Three times, and Davey felt the muscles in his back and shoulders loosen. Looking at the register he saw Jack start to order and he wiped at his forehead.

Mush had put together a damn good outfit, better than Davey could have done, but the jeans plus the button up was hot, even with the sleeves rolled up. Jack looked great, Davey thought, allowing himself to stare as Jack gestured animatedly at the menu as the barista’s eyes flicked from him to the register.

Jack was the type of person who always looked great, Davey could figure out that much just from seeing him the two times. He just looked so confident, it amazed him that people could just walk around looking like they didn’t have a care in the world.

Davey walked around caring deeply and intensely about what every person who passed him on the sidewalk thought of him. In his mind, all their opinion were horrible, too. It was exhausting, living like that.

The sound of a squeaking chair ripped him from his thoughts, and his gaze pulled away from the wall as Jack sat down, now holding a very large and very sugary looking drink.

He saw Davey staring and laughed a little.

“Yeah I went a little over the top,” he admitted, taking a large sip of whatever the hell was in the drink. “I pretty much try and taste as little of the coffee as possible, this is pretty much a milkshake.”

Davey let out a chuckle, and from Jack’s face he figured the noise wasn’t too terrible, and made himself take another sip of his drink. “Yeah, I’m more of a straight cream and sugar person, I don’t really know how to order much else.”

Jack nodded as he swallowed another sip. “I feel that. Next time let me order something for you though, it can be super weird and frustrating trying new stuff, but I consider myself a professional.”

The mention of a ‘next time’ still had Davey reeling, and his surprise must have matched up with Jack’s expected reaction, because he continued.

“I was a barista all throughout high school, I can hook you up with  _ awesome  _ drinks.”

“That sounds great,” Davey said, mouth dry. He was really happy they went somewhere with drinks. “I’m definitely clueless with that sort of stuff.”

“If you want we can get coffee again Thursday after class?” Jack offered, “My roommate said he and his boyfriend would come with us next time.”

Jack was looking at Davey sort of expectantly, and Davey wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting, so he nodded again.

“Y’know, like a double date thing? If that’s okay?”

There was the pretty violent sound of Davey choking on his drink, and Jack’s eyes went wide as Davey started coughing. 

“Oh my god I’m so sorry,” he said, reaching across the table awkwardly to put a hand on Davey’s. “If that’s not what this was, or you’re like not single or straight or something-”

Davey shook his head quickly, holding out his hand as he kept coughing out his iced coffee. As soon as Jack had confirmed that this was a real date his whole body just sort of stopped for a second. He was sort of having a cold sweat at the moment and his breathing was all over the place but he needed to answer.

“No, no you’re, uh, you’re totally good,” he fought out, catching his breath as the feeling of Jack’s hand on his spread through his whole body. “I was just, like, sort of-”

“Taken off guard?” Jack suggested, smiling sheepishly and looking at the table when Davey nodded. “Yeah sorry about that, I was sort of weirdly direct. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t hitting on someone with a boyfriend or a straight dude, it happens more often to me than it should.”

There was the blush again, and Davey smiled a little bit to himself because someone was  _ hitting on him _ for Chrissake. He needed to remember to breathe. “You’re so good, I mean, you’re good in like, what you did, not that  _ you’re  _ not good-”

Jack smiled big, all teeth as he squeezed Davey’s hand lightly before pulling it away. “You’re cute, and thank you.”

Davey was one hundred percent confident his blush could be seen from space, and he made himself take another sip of his barely touched iced coffee to fight against it. This was not how he expected the date to go. He sort of expected to die on the date, like he’d say something wrong and someone would just kill him instantly. This was a major improvement. 

Jack had pulled out his phone and was starting to stand up though.

“We should get going if we want to make class,” he said, grabbing his drink and looking at Davey, who started to get up as well. “I really can’t miss this one either, I get paid to take notes for it.”

If Davey had been drinking his coffee he would have choked again, but instead he just felt his muscles tighten again, and he tried to nod in an innocent way. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah, it’s easy,” Jack said as the two of them walked out off the coffee shop, bell ringing to announce their departure. “I’d be taking them anyway, but now I get paid for it, so why not? Y’know?”

The heat was like a wall hitting them in the face as they walked outside, and Davey was once again grateful for an excuse for what was now just a constant state of sweating. “Yeah, that’s nice.”

Jack took another sip of his nearly empty drink before bumping Davey’s shoulder, almost knocking him over from surprise. “Yeah well, enough about me, tell me something about you.”

As per usual, Davey stuttered for a moment, but after he got talking it was surprisingly easy. Yeah, he was sweating and felt the shudder in his hands and the tension in his shoulders, but the talking wasn’t as bad as it usually bad. Jack made it easier, he actually looked interested in the fact that Davey wanted to be biologist one day. It was strange, but good. Really good actually.

By the time they got to the building, Jack knew Davey lived in Queens before he moved to NYU, and he had an older sister and a little brother, and he was majoring in biology.

And Davey knew that Jack was from Manhattan, he had a foster brother two years younger than him, and he was majoring in education and minoring in acting and theater. 

It was the most Davey’s spoken to anyone besides his therapist since he started college. And the whole time they’d been brushing hands and bumping shoulders and it was like an electric shock every time it happened but Davey loved it. 

He almost managed to forget about the brief eye contact he’d made with a girl who passed them on the sidewalk. Almost, not quite though. He hadn’t expected everything to fix itself the first time he made friends with someone.

Jack was talking about his acting class when they walked into their building, and Davey frowned to himself a bit as they did. Were they boyfriends? Or just friends who were going out on dates? Labels were weird, nothing made sense and Davey was always too scared to ask anyway.

“Okay well, ready for classics?” 

Jack had a mock falsetto in his voice and Davey grinned, more life in it than usual, and nodded. “Of course.”

“Hell yeah, let’s see if we can find seats together.”

Jack grabbed Davey’s hand and pulled him into the lecture hall, and Davey’s heart felt like it might explode and his skin might vibrate off his body, but the grip was nice. It was worth the anxiety. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoo this was supposed to be a small part of a longer chapter but i like the 2k chapters so hope yall enjoyed!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naps, late night texting, and therapy sessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao we love writing as a coping mechanism for the intense loneliness that comes w starting college :^)

Jack had somewhere to be after class, and Davey felt a little bit guilty at the wave of relief that hit him after Jack walked away. 

By the time he got back to his, thankfully empty, dorm he managed to sort through what that relief meant. Examining his feelings was another fun activity he was trying to do at the prompting of his therapist.

He really liked Jack, and not in the superficial ‘he’s cute and also takes really good notes’ way he had at first. Jack was genuinely nice, and funny and interesting and he actually listened when Davey spoke. It felt like he worked his way past that initial barrier of anxiety that forced away any conversation before it got the chance to start, on the fear that it would fail.

So yeah, Davey liked Jack, and it felt really nice to like someone when you’ve spent a lot of your adolescence hidden away from the limelight, and the relationships, and friendships even, that came along with it. 

Collapsing on his bed, he opened his notes app on his phone and typed out an abridged version of all that. He was supposed to bring it in to his appointment tomorrow to show progress. His therapist was really into documentation of his progress. Ms. Larkin, or Medda as she preferred to be called, was probably Davey’s favorite therapist he’d ever had, and he’d had a lot over the years.

Davey studied the mottled white tiles on the ceiling for a while, no music or anything. Blink had a fan that gave off a sort of white noise, it was calming. 

Sleep was tugging him down into the mattress as he started watching the shadows get longer. Thank god Classics was his last class of the day, he could use a nap. 

Clumsily he kicked off his shoes and grabbed his blanket, pulling it up to his chin and curling up on his side. There was a voice in the back of his head warning him against taking a nap this early, saying he wouldn’t get any sleep that night, but he ignored it.

Sleep was one of the only times where he felt absolutely nothing; he barely even remembered his dreams, it was just black calmness, no tense muscles or shaking. It was blissful honestly.

Just as he felt his muscles fully relax, a buzzing vibrated through the mattress; his phone.

It can wait, he thought, yawning again and drawing his knees up further to his chest.

The phone kept buzzing, in quick succession, but Davey was too far gone to hear it. His brain accepted it as a part of the white noise that was flooding his brain, and it lulled him to sleep just like Blink’s fan.

Lulled him into a dark expanse of nothing. It scared him sometimes that that was the part of his day he looked forward to the most.

* * *

Davey was hot. That was the first thing he thought when he woke up to a dark dorm room and a thin layer of sweat coating pretty much every part of his body. Also, it was  _ dark _ . 

“Oh shit,” he said softly, reaching blindly for his phone to see the time. “Fuck.”

Yeah it was past seven now. He’d slept for almost five hours, which explained why he felt so gross and disoriented now, naps that long always made him feel worse after waking up. 

“Blink?”

There was no response, and Davey let out a sigh as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and turned, cracking out his back. The sun probably just set, it was twilight in the room than actual night, shadows casting softly and long all over the room.

Standing, Davey peeked into the top bunk anyway, just in case Blink was sleeping too. He wasn’t, and Davey was pulling off his shirt and button up as he walked to the bathroom for a shower.

A good thing about their suite bathroom was that the shower sounded like someone screaming whenever it was on, so there was really no way you could walk in half naked and run into someone else in the shower. 

Davey prided himself on taking fast showers, cold showers at that. Ninety percent of the time he could get in and out in under ten minutes, and Blink had gawked at him the first time he did it.

Davey just shrugged, saying something about it being a habit to dismiss the fact that he pretty much just showered fast so that no one would call him out on taking long showers. That was an irrational fear probably, but it haunted him living with new people. 

A rather short period of time later he walked back into his room, shaking out his hair with a towel and throwing on the same pajamas he’d been wearing all week. Laundry was an issue. The laundry room was crowded and crowds were essentially a death sentence, so the last few weeks had been full of a lot of the same shirts and shorts over and over again. 

With all that swirling in his head, opening his phone and seeing Jack’s contact with an impressive four text notifications stacked next to it jolted him back into nervousness full force.

“It’s fine, people text other people, it’s okay.”

Davey laid down on his bed, cradling his phone and staring at it for a minute before opening anything. He hadn’t said anything deeply offending after class right? The way he said ‘bye’ wasn’t in some way aggressive?

He bit down hard on his lip and shook his head, opening up his phone to look at the messages. “No, it’s okay.”

All of them were relatively short, and all four had been sent right after one another. 

Davey found himself smiling lightly as he read, he could hear Jack’s voice through the screen.

_ Jack Kelly: oh i forgot to say i had a nice time at coffee!! also thursday race said he and spot could come :) _

_ Jack Kelly: those arent just random people !! race is my roommate and spot is his bf lol _

_ Jack Kelly: okay im definitely spamming sorry, you’re probably doing something or asleep or something  _

_ Jack Kelly: but yea!! I had a nice time, sorry for sending this message after apologizing for sending too many messages in the last one lmao _

It really felt like Davey’s heart was skipping every other beat by the time he read through all of them, and his face sort of hurt from smiling. 

Davey opened his mouth to start talking to himself before snapping it shut again. He was desperately trying to break that habit now that he lived with people who could walk in at any time.

He could probably just send one text back, right? Even though Jack had sent four, they already had a plan to meet up-well _ double date _ -again, so he was good probably.

Trying his absolute best not to overthink the message any more than he normally did, which was already a lot, he started typing. 

_ Davey Jacobs: hey! Sorry i fell asleep after class and just woke up now lol, but thursday sounds good :) _

It was sent before he had the chance to deliberate over the punctuation or using a smiley face, was that too much? Probably not, it was fine. 

But he rolled over on his side and started idly scrolling through his other notifications, not really reading them as much as letting his eyes skim over them. For whatever reason he still felt like he could fall asleep soon despite his five hour nap, and he went to open up his Spotify when the phone buzzed again. 

It was Jack.

_ Jack Kelly: ur good! I would have taken a nap too if i didnt have my acting class after tbh _

Davey started to type back when Jack sent another message, and a soft smile crept onto Davey’s face, a yawn breaking it up immediately. Jack wasn’t a paragraph text person, it seemed.

_ Jack Kelly: r u busy rn? If ur not i can tell u about race and spot bc like,, theyre great but can be a lot to process the first time u meet them lol _

_ Davey Jacobs: yeah im free, what r they like? _

Jack started typing again and Davey made himself sit up, straightening his back against the bed frame so it was just uncomfortable to keep him awake. He had the feeling that Jack was a late night person, and while Davey wasn’t he did just take a five hour nap, so he could handle it for one night. It seemed worth it anyway. 

* * *

“So I slept like fourteen hours yesterday.”

Medda raised her eyebrows at the seat across from Davey’s and tilted her head. Once again she’d won the ‘who can go the longest without breaking the silence’ game, and probably hadn’t expected that random bit of information. 

“Fourteen? That’s quite a lot, and more than you said you usually get.”

Davey waited for a beat, interrupting her was always a fear in the back of his head during their therapy sessions, before speaking again. “Yeah I got nine the night before like usual, then after my classics class I fell asleep for five hours.”

He took a sip of the lemon tea Medda always offered him this time, so he would have a second to see who was speaking next.

Medda leaned forward and took that role. “So why did you say you were tired right when you came in? Not much sleep after all that.”

“Yeah um, sort of,” Davey said carefully, circling the topic he simultaneously wanted to talk for the whole session and also not at all. “I was texting this guy in my classics class, Jack, we had coffee before and sort of have like, a date thing after our next class.”

All the blood in Davey’s body was rushing to his face and Medda was absolutely beaming back at him. He felt like his chest was being slammed with a hammer, but yeah she looked ecstatic. 

“That’s fantastic!” she said, and she really, truly sounded like she cared about it. That was one of the things Davey liked about her. “How did you two meet?”

“Well actually that’s sort of the problem.”

Her face fell slightly and Davey rushed to continue, almost spilling his cup of tea as he gestured quickly forward. “No! No it’s not like, actually bad. Well, I don’t know actually-it’s pretty stupid and I really don’t know if it ever  _ matters- _ ”

“Davey,” Medda cut him off, holding a hand out in front of her as she did. “You’re allowing yourself to put a negative spin on the situation.”

Her eye contact was feeling intense, like a cage almost, and Davey let his gaze flick to the various plants lining her window before nodding. 

“Yeah, okay. Well last week I didn’t go to class because I had a panic attack right after I woke up, so I had to get notes sent to me through disability.”

Medda nodded and Davey looked at her again before staring down at his lap and his hands this time. “And the person who wrote them put their name at the top of them, which I didn’t know you were supposed to do, but whatever.”

Davey knew Medda had it before he even finished, sitting back in her chair and crossing her legs. She didn’t cut him off but he could see it in her face.

“And then the next class I sat behind the-the guy I’m going on the date with, and he was doing his notes, and it’s the same guy that I got the notes from, basically,” Davey finished, letting out a puff of air and drawing his legs up onto the chair as he did. 

“And this boy, his name is?”

“Jack Kelly.”

“Jack, okay,” Medda said, drawing out Jack’s name when she said it, a light smile on her face a remnant of her earlier excitement. “Well, it doesn’t seem like Jack knows you got his notes, correct?”

Davey nodded.

“Okay, so you have two options then,” she offered, and her eye contact locked Davey in this time instead of making him squirm away. “You can choose to tell him about the notes service, which wouldn’t be a bad thing in the slightest. It would definitely open up some communication between you two about what you’re comfortable with in terms of your anxiety.”

Grimacing, Davey asked, “Or?”

“ _ Or _ ,” Medda continued, “you could choose not to tell him. The service is anonymous for a reason, and you can make the decision to tell him about your anxiety when you see fit, and  _ if  _ you see fit, as the relationship progresses, if it does.”

The second option was open ended and vague enough that Davey knew the first was probably the more responsible thing to do, but that didn’t mean he wanted to.

“But like, when would I even bring up that sort of thing? It doesn’t really come up in conversation.”

“You can tell him you get notes from the program,” Medda offered, “or just the next time you aren’t in class tell him you get the notes sent to you from disability and have the conversation lead out from there.”

Davey nodded, staring again more at the room itself than Medda. “Yeah, I’ll try and do that, I don’t know.”

Medda looked at the clock and Davey figured they were almost out of time. He honestly could barely remember what the whole first half of the session had been about, there was so much he was focusing on with Jack now that he felt more anxious than when he walked in. Medda said that wasn’t always a bad thing. 

“Okay well I think that’s it on time, I’ll see you next Friday.” 

Davey uncurled from the seat and stood up. God he hated the way his clothes always stuck to him from sitting that long. He would trade the sweating for any other symptom of anxiety honestly.

“Yeah, thank you.”

He walked toward the door and Medda got up to hold it open for him. As he walked through she put a hand on his shoulder and he looked back at her.

“I really hope it works out with Jack, however it does,” she said, and all her features looked so warm and confident Davey almost felt guilty for the wave of guilt that washed over him when she said it. It always felt like he was going to disappoint her.

“I hope it does too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually have the rest of this planned out now!! i hope u guys like how its going!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey misses class and Jack prepares him for Race and Spot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayy sorry its been a minute!! college hit me in this face r e a l fast but im def gonna finish this!!

It wasn’t going to be a good day today. Davey knew it from the second he woke up, and yeah maybe that counted as some sort of learned helplessness that set the tone for the entire day, but it was true. So he didn’t care. 

Blink had an 8 a.m so Davey had managed to fake sleep until he left. He’d actually woke up at five, panicking from a nightmare and the panic had stayed firmly settled in his chest as the sun rose and the room slowly became bathed in a gray light. He’d legitimately watched the shadows move on the wall for about an hour in an attempt to calm down and maybe go back to sleep. It didn’t work.

As soon as Blink left though, he made himself take a shower just so he could  _ do  _ something. It was scalding and ridiculously longer than he’d usually shower, but it helped a little.

By the time he was dried off and changed, sitting in his bed staring at his phone, he was trying to decide whether or not to go to classics. 

If he went he’d have to leave in half an hour. Two hours after that he could be back and his room and it’d be fine. But would it really? He’d still have to go to class and talk to Jack and focus on taking notes and even the idea of that was making him feel sick. He couldn’t go.

Groaning, he fell back against the bed and tossed his phone to the side. Normally this would have been a three second decision, maximum. Before the only person who would’ve known he wasn’t there was Medda if he decided to tell her, maybe his professor if he decided to take attendance that day, and that was about it. 

Jack was there now. He was sorta kinda maybe dating slash going out on dates with Jack, and that was the only class they shared. He’d bet a million dollars Jack would notice if he wasn’t there, and he’d probably ask about it too.

Which  _ god _ , why was he even whining about that, he thought with a frown and then a pang of guilt. Somebody cared enough about him to ask where he was and he thought it was a burden? God he was so fucking  _ stupid  _ sometimes-

Deep inhale, his heart was racing now, and long exhale. Negative spiral. He didn’t need that right now on top of everything else. 

He just wasn’t going to go, it was fine. He literally got disability status because this exact situation was going to happen, and it had already a bunch of different times. Jack wasn’t going to change that, it wasn’t healthy.

He reached down to where he’d thrown his phone, picking it up and curling on his side. The nightmare meant he’d only gotten about four hours of sleep and the panic had curbed enough that he was starting to feel it.

Powering off his phone completely, he buried his head in his pillow and tried to remember something from when he was little. Doing that usually helped him get to sleep. 

As he fell asleep though, he couldn’t help but think that Medda was right, she always was. He really needed to just tell Jack. 

It couldn’t be that much worse than this. 

* * *

Davey woke up a while later. How long he wasn’t exactly sure because his phone was still off, but if his headache and the bitter taste in his mouth was any indication, it was too long. 

There was a grounding technique he found online where you stretched out everything from your head to your feet, and he sat up in bed and went through the whole routine. It felt fantastic, and unlike early that morning, his heart wasn’t trying to beat out of his chest. He’d needed that, it was good he didn’t go to class.

“Stupid thing takes forever to restart,” he mumbled, breaking into a yawn as he watched his phone screen go through the whole restarting thing. “God.”

It finally got there though, and fired off notification sounds in rapid succession for a couple seconds while Davey stared down at it dumbly. Oh yeah. Jack. Jack who rambled in texts and had perfectly good intentions and Davey blew him off.

For some reason the idea of texting him and letting him know he wasn’t going to be in class hadn’t occurred to him earlier. He hadn’t been able to think straight. 

Feeling the tremor start to build up in his hands again, Davey forced himself to take a deep breath before opening the messages. He didn’t have anything to be ashamed of. Jack didn’t happen to know that yet, but it didn’t change the fact. 

There were only three messages, and none of them were as long as Jack usually sent. Davey didn’t know whether to be anxious or relieved about that. 

_ Jack Kelly: hey, r u not coming to class today?? _

_ Jack Kelly: its cool if ur not i was just Confused  _

_ Jack Kelly: ur prolly doing something so ill leave u alone,, talk to u soon ! _

Davey felt the tension release in his back and he slouched forward over his phone. For some reason he had the insane idea that Jack would freak out or something. The ‘insane reason’ being his anxiety, he knew that, he could be honest with himself on it. 

But Jack was understanding, to say the least, and he didn’t even know why Davey had missed in the first place. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad telling him, sooner or later right?

“It’ll be fine,” he reassured himself, and he started texting Jack back. 

_ Davey Jacobs: hey! sorry i didn’t text back later, i had a thing i had to miss class for _

It wasn’t technically a lie, it was just a really vague version of the truth. It’s not like he was going to tell him over text anyway. It seemed like an in person thing. 

Less than a minute later, while Davey went through his back emails for the day, Jack texted back. 

_ Jack Kelly: ur good! do u need me to send u notes or anything?? _

Davey breathed out a shaky laugh and texted back. Irony was a bitch sometimes. 

_ Davey Jacobs: dont worry about it, i took some from the readings beforehand, thanks tho :) _

_ Jack Kelly: okay cool, we still good for coffee on thursday? _

_ Davey Jacobs: definitely _

_ Jack Kelly: perfect!! I have class, but talk to u soon  _

_ Davey Jacobs: talk to u soon! _

“You did it, a full conversation,” Davey breathed, clicking off his phone and leaning back onto his elbows on the bed. “I can tell him, he’ll be okay with it.”

He was very aware of the fact that he was saying that now, when his anxiety was at a sort of low murmur in the back of his head. When he actually decided to have the conversation he’d probably be crawling out of his skin. 

No. He shook his head, predicting thoughts like that made him more anxious. He needed to just focus on now. And now he felt okay, he could work with that.

Getting up off the bed he sat down on his desk and opened his laptop, pulling up the notes Jack had submitted. He started reading through them and found himself smiling as he did. They were his boyfriend slash guy-he-was-going-on-dates-with’s notes. That was fun to think about. 

* * *

Davey knew Jack wasn’t  _ trying  _ to freak him out intentionally, he really wasn’t, but that was definitely what was happening. 

“They sort of seem like they hate each other, but they’re like, in love, really,” Jack said, looking at Davey and squeezing lightly in the hand he’d grabbed under the table. “And Spot seems really scary but he’s not, he just doesn’t talk all that much because Race talks like, non-stop.”

Davey nodded, cheeks warm from the solid weight of Jack’s hand on top of his. There was definitely still the feeling of his heart beating faster than was strictly necessary, and he was starting to feel hot and sort of shaky, but he felt better with Jack. If he was alone he’d probably run in the bathroom and pass out. 

“Yeah, okay,” Davey said, nodding, and not being able to hold back a half smile when Jack kept looking at him, worried. “It’s gonna be fine Jack, I’ve spoken to people before.”

Jack rolled his eyes, but he was smiling through it. “Yeah, I figured that. I’m just preparing you.”

“You’re making it sound like they’re serial killers.”

“Well, I haven’t exactly ruled that out for either of them-”

The bell over the door rang then, cutting Jack off, and the two of them looked as who Davey assumed were Race and Spot walked in. 

Jack squeezed Davey’s hand again as they walked over, and Davey had to give props to Jack for making a point of saying they had a height difference. Race probably had five or six inches on Spot. 

“Hey guys,” Jack greeted, and the two of them sat down across from Davey and Jack. Race sort of flopped actually, Spot sat.

“Hey Jack,” Race said, running a hand through his har before he looked at Davey. “And you’re Davey, right?”

Davey nodded and Race grinned back at him, relieving a bit of the growing pressure in his chest. “Yeah.”

“I’m Race, this is Spot,” Race introduced, bumping Spot’s shoulder when the other nodded.

Davey swallowed thickly and tried to focus on speaking instead of the various ways his body was reacting to meeting new people. “Yeah, Jack was telling me about you guys.”

“All good things then, Jack?” Spot asked with a raised eyebrow, and a voice Davey imagined would be lower.”

“No promises.”

Spot grinned and Race gasped, mock affronted and Davey tried to force his muscles to relax. They were nice, this was nice. 

Race looked pointedly at Davey and put a hand in front of Jack’s face when he tried to speak. “Jack’s dramatic, everything he told you was a lie, we’re wonderful.”

“What if I told him you were wonderful, dumbass?” Jack shot back, and Davey laughed along with Spot once they started going back and forth. They were like brothers. 

Spot leaned forward on the table and nodded back toward the counter. “Wanna get in line, they could be a while.”

Davey nodded and stood up, following Spot as Jack and Race burst into laughter over something the other said. 

“They’re both insane,” Spot said matter of factly, squinting up at the menu as he did. “They’ve known each other since like, grade school.”

Davey was definitely getting something cold, if he had a hot drink he’d start sweating even more and he didn’t need that at the moment. “They seem really close, how long have you known them?”

Spot looked back at Davey with the most  _ exhausted  _ look and Davey found himself actually smiling a little. “Way too long, me and Race just had our three year.”

“Wow, good for you guys-”

Jack and Race walked up then, Jack grabbing Davey’s hand as he did, and Davey jumped slightly at the sudden contact.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Jack said sheepishly, “it’s all Race’s fault.”

Race, who had pretty firmly attached himself to Spot’s side by that point, snorted. “How is it myself you have no sense of boundaries, huh?”

“And who are you fucking leaning on right now?”

“Shut up.”

Jack barked out a laugh, and started reading the menu. He mouthed the words as he did.

Spot and Race ordered, and Jack pulled him forward once they finished. 

“Hi,” he said, and the barista nodded back, tired. “Can I get a medium caramel frappuccino with two shots of espresso?”

“Would that be all?” the barista asked, looking between the two of them.

“And whatever he’d getting,” Jack said, nudging Davey forward before he could protest about paying for himself. 

“Oh and uh, small-”

“Medium.”

Davey blushed and rolled his eyes. “ _ Medium _ caramel macchiato, please.”

Jack paid, and Davey moved over to stand by Race and Spot, staring pointedly at a smug Jack as he joined them.

“You didn’t have to pay for me.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to,” Jack said shrugging, immediately glaring at Race when he rolled his eyes. “Yes?”

“You should apply for like, knight-hood Jack, you’re just such a sweet and considerate person-”

“I wouldn’t expect you to know what that’s like, but okay.”

Spot gravitated toward Davey again and gave him the same exhausted look as earlier. “Insane.”

Davey laughed, and watched Jack grin at something Race said, smiling softly. “One hundred percent.”

* * *

Davey watched Race and Spot walk off toward the street, and turned to look at Jack when he came up behind him, smiling like an idiot. “What?”

Jack shrugged, still smiling, and Davey frowned, although his own smile ruined it. “Really, what?”

He had time to process Jack barking out a laugh before he took a step forward and kissed Davey, lightly before pulling back. He was still smiling, but whether that was because of whatever it was before, or what Davey was sure was a completely stupid look on his face, he wasn’t sure.

“What was that for?” Davey sputtered out, not able to hold back his own smile now.

“For you,” Jack answered, “and for being cool with my friends and for meeting them in the first place.”

Davey had no idea what he was supposed to say or do in this situation, but Jack leaned in again and filled in the blank. He actually forgot to think about the fact that they were in public, or he just didn’t care, Jack certainly didn’t.

When they both pulled back that time, Jack grabbed Davey’s hand and started swinging it as they walked back to the dorms. “We should do something besides coffee sometime.”

“We should.”

“Tomorrow?” Jack asked, voice hopeful. “My last class ends at four, we could get dinner and see a movie or something.”

Davey felt a wave of heat come over him, because that was real date, but he ignored it. He was too happy right now to let that ruin it for him. “That works, where do you wanna meet?”

“Your dorm is fine, it’s closer to downtown.”

They got to the corner where they crossed different ways for their dorms, and Jack dropped Davey’s hand and turned toward him. “This was really fun, I’m happy we did it.”

“Me too,” Davey echoed, “really.”

“I’m glad.”

Jack paused then, and Davey leaned forward, pushing down his brain and his heart, both of which were screaming at him, and kissed him. Jack was the one that kept it going for a bit longer, but  _ he  _ started it. That felt good. 

“Okay, I’ll pick you up tomorrow then,” Jack said quietly once both of them pulled back, and he raked a hand through his hair as he did. Davey noticed he did that a lot, it was cute. 

“See you then.”

Jack crossed his side of the street then and Davey did the same, smiling like an idiot the whole way back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u liked the chapter yall!!! in the next one we gonna have a,, climax?? if thats what the kids are still callin that point of story structure these days??
> 
> anyway, kudos/comments are always appreciated!! love yall!!

**Author's Note:**

> ayy hope yall like this so far!! thanks for reading <3
> 
> kudos/comments are a l w a y s appreciated


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